Directions: Read the following article and answer the questions that follow:

Controlling our Anger Before it Controls Us – By Dr. Ida Greene

The emotion of anger has many purposes, some of which can serve us well. Anger can be used by others to confuse or control you. In conflict resolution, anger is a useful emotion when used to support you against attack by others. Anger takes away your energy, because it charges you emotionally, even when used constructively. Because of its potential to hurt or destroy one's self-confidence, anger must be under your control. It can be likened to an atomic bomb when uncontrolled.

Anger is a major block to your self-esteem and self-image. Anger is also a choice we make. We decide how we will react to a perceived threat to our ego, or emotional well-being. It is a signal to help you see what is goin on in your emotions, to find the cause of the anger. Everybody has his or her own definition of anger. Webster's New World Dictionary defines anger as: a feeling of displeasure resulting from mistreatment, injury, and opposition, usually showing itself in a desire to fight back at the supposed cause of the feeling.

Anger is a valuable signal, because it lets us know when something is wrong or there is a problem.

Often when we are angry, one of these things is happening:

1. We want something and are not getting it.
2. From past experience, we expect trouble.
3. We have feelings of powerlessness
4. Sad feelings.
5. Feelings of grief that connect us with strength and joy.
6. Depression
7. Feelings of negativity about life, self, and people.

In confronting anger, remember you have three options:

1. You can choose to react angrily or not.
2. You can become aware of what you are feeling.
3. You can be aware of the intensity of your anger, if you are in control of your anger, or if it controls you.

Anger moves through the following stages if it is not resolved immediately:

1. Frustration – Based on unfulfilled expectations
2. Disappointment – Based on unfulfilled expectations. To prevent anger, look into the situation and get the facts.
3. Embarrassment – Based on unfulfilled self-image, and a desire to create a new self-image
4. Guilt – Based on social expectations you have accepted, and or a decision to hide or avoid something.
5. Fear of rejection – Based on unknown expectations with probability of consequence. Confront the situation/person/behavior, explore the cause then decide if you want to avoid it.

Alternatives to an Anger Reaction

To change your expression of anger, you must change your thinking. Change what you say to yourself in your head, in response to the external event. These four steps can help:

1. Take time to rethink on what has provoked you.
2. Use a planned relaxation technique
3. Stay calm and keep your cool
4. Ask yourself if you are overreacting, justifying your right to be angry, or taking things too seriously.

What Causes Anger

Anger is triggered by external events called provocations, which create anger thoughts, anger arousal, and angry actions. All of these stimulate each other until they are fused together, in an anger feedback loop that leads to destructive consequences. An angry outburst can be likened to a hurricane or tornado, as the center of the energy gets smaller, the tension becomes greater, making it harder to generate productive actions to change. And productive actions cannot be made when the anger feedback loop is completely fused. Your anger work out will prevent fusion and confusion.

The Major Causes of Anger are:

• !. Dependency Relationships
• Resentment
• Grief
• Victim Mentality
• Abusive Relationships
• Low Self-Esteem

When you develop inner control of a powerful emotion like anger, you become powerful. When your outer environment controls you, you lose the opportunity to have inner control. To become good at any skill, whether it is controlling your physical expression of anger or your tongue, requires continuous practice.

Ten Steps to Control Anger:

1. Make a list of things that make you mad, and memorize it.
2. Talk about your feelings, let people know when thing bother you.
3. When you feel angry, do something with the energy. Slowly breathe in and out ten times. On the exhale, spread your fingers apart widely and imagine the negative energy leaving your body as you do so.
4. When you feel the urge to strike out at someone, raise your shoulders, as you breathe in deeply; rapidly lower your shoulders as you exhale. Notice your jaw muscles, shoulders, hands, chest, and torso muscles. Get in touch with what you are angry about, and with whom you are angry. And think of what situation from your past childhood made you angry.
5. Make peace with yourself and the person who is the object of your anger. Forgive yourself first. Then apologize to the other person for your lack of control.
6. Mentally visualize two paths. Have one of these paths be positive, pleasant, and full of light. Have the other path be dark, gloomy, and depressive. Then send your angry feelings down the dark path and over the cliff.
7. Notice if you feel like yelling, screaming, or hitting. Before you act on your anger, think of why you are angry. Is your angry feeling legitimate, or did you create a situation to justify your need to be angry?
8. Talk you way through you answer. Tell yourself you can change from being a reactor of your emotions to being a processor. Notice your thoughts, change negative thought to positive.
9. Change the image you have of yourself from "blowing your stack, to being a cool headed person.” Whenever you are able to control your anger, reinforce it by saying something kind to yourself.
10. Daily seek ways to change your image, inner thoughts, and outer behavior, so the two match.

Always assume responsibility for what you are feeling, and own all of your feelings including anger. Anger that is unresolved turns to resentment, envy, jealousy, revenge, and hatred. Unresolved anger, manifests as depression. There is always an underlying feeling of inadequacy when you are angry. Taking responsibility for these feelings and how you cope with them can enhance your self-esteem and will bring harmony to your life and your relationships.

Anger Management
Robert W. Westermeyer, Ph.D.

Anger, in and of itself, is not dysfunctional. Anger is an emotion, which, like anxiety, affects many systems (emotional, cognitive and physiological). It is typically activated when a person believes he or she has been deliberately provoked. In terms of survival, anger can be looked at as a necessary driving force when "fight" as opposed to "flight" is required.

Cognitively, research has shown that when angry, people show changes in their thinking (Novaco, 1979). Typically, people become "single minded," focusing exclusively on what they believe is provoking them. Most people's anger is isolated to situations in which it is justified, when they have been taken advantage of, lied to, cheated, abused and so forth.

Some people, however, have "anger control problems" They just seem to be always angry. Even when nothing really appears to be provoking them, these people are feeling incited, taken advantage of, belittled, or abused in some way. Sometimes their perceptions are accurate, other times they are distorting their experience massively.

Some people find it very hard to express their anger. They may have internal rules and standards that mandate that anger "must not be openly expressed". This sort of self-discipline can lead to problems, because anger that is not expressed tends to "stockpile". Unexpressed anger keeps a person aroused physiologically which can lead to health problems like high blood pressure and even heart disease. Also, unexpressed anger can cause feelings of helplessness, which can, in turn precipitate depressed mood. Therefore, for people with unexpressed anger, it is important for them to identify their anger, identify what beliefs are keeping them from expressing it, and to find appropriate channels for its expression.

A far more common problem is that of people exaggerating the provocation in situations, particularly interpersonal ones, such that they feel intense and prolonged anger unnecessarily. This unnecessary anger often leads to an exaggerated expression of anger-- often toward others.

People can do many things to reduce anger, relax, meditate, distract themselves (e.g. the old advice of counting to ten) or talk about it. All of these techniques can be helpful for some people. Some believe that hitting a pillow, a punching bag or the like will "vent" the anger. I believe that though doing such things feels good, it doesn't do anything to reduce what it is that is bothering you. You may become exhausted, and therefore relax a bit, but your anger can be easily triggered soon after hitting a pillow by an innocent passerby. Furthermore, venting anger can actually increase the intensity of the state.

As with depression and anxiety, cognitive techniques can be very helpful in reducing anger and lessening the intensity of future outbursts. Many researchers have discovered that anger control problems tend to be associated with a number of "thinking errors" (Lochman, 1984; Dodge and Frame, 1982; Foreman, 1980; Little and Kendall, 1979; Lochman, White, Wayland, 1991).

1. Cognitive Deficits: People with anger control problems have an insufficient number of adaptive responses to provoking events. Research has shown that angry people, when asked how they would solve provocative situations, have fewer ideas than people without anger problems. There few ideas, not surprisingly, tend to be hostile.
2. Frequent False Positives: People with anger control problems often misconstrue events such that they feel provoked even when they are not. It has been found that people with anger control problems tend to be vigilant for presence of people deliberately hassling them. Therefore, due to only seeing part of the picture, they tend to misconstrue innocuous frequently.
3. Rigid Beliefs: People with anger control problems often possess steadfast beliefs as to the legitimacy of hostile retaliation. Some examples include, "Hostility is okay if someone does something to provoke it." or "The best way to get your needs met is to demand it." or "People are, for the most part, stupid and need to be dealt with forcefully." It is not difficult to imagine how adhering to such beliefs might lead to some volatile encounters.
4. Difficulty Anticipating Outcomes Before Action: People without anger problems are able to control how they respond to anger and actually keep it from getting out of control by predicting what "could" happen if they "lost it." People with anger problems tend to respond quickly without such forethought.

Dr. Eva Feinder is an expert in the area of anger control training (1986, 1991). She has developed an anger control program that targets aggressive adolescents. Her program has helped kids gain control of their anger by learning how to step back in an angry situation and evaluate accurately. Anger has a swift onset. There is no more effective way to control angry escalation than to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control. This requires learning how to alert yourself to the subtle signs of increasing anger.

With regard to interpersonal anger, Dr. Fiendler recommends that people try, in the heat of an angry moment, to see if they can understand where the alleged perpetrator is coming from. Empathy is very difficult when angry, but it can make all the difference in the world. Isn't it frequently the case that when we get intensely angry at someone, the next day we feel guilty to some degree? We may say to ourselves something like, "You know, they did have a point. I sort of over-reacted." Taking the other person's point of view can be excruciating when in the throes of anger, but with practice it can become second nature.

Dr. Fiendler also recommends that when angry you try to listen carefully to what is being said to you. Anger creates a hostility filter, and often all you can hear is negatively toned.

The following are some questions you can ask yourself when you notice you are getting angry. These questions serve the same purpose as those used to combat depressive and anxious thinking--to make distortions disappear.

WHERE IS THE EVIDENCE?

Is there sufficient evidence to back up the interpretation you have made of the event that is angering you?

e.g. Someone is late for dinner and you say to yourself, "That selfish bastard doesn't care that I have made dinner." WHERE IS THE EVIDENCE? Is this person really a selfish bastard? Are there qualities which do not support this interpretation?

IS THERE ANOTHER WAY OF LOOKING AT THIS EVENT?

Try to entertain one or two other explanations for what you've interpreted as "deliberate provocation." After all, there are two sides to every coin. Often this is enough to at least decrease anger to the level of mild frustration.

e.g. (same scenario) Could there be a reasonable explanation for lateness. Is there traffic? Could something have come up, which will become known when he arrives? Have I sufficiently told him that being on time is very important to me and to please call if late?

SO WHAT?

Rarely are things as catastrophic in reality as they seem in the heat of the moment. So the driver in the red Porsche cut you off. So what! Will it amount to anything three hours from now? Has your dignity as a driver really been damaged?

e.g. So what if he's late. Let's say he's twenty minutes late. Is it worth ruining the whole evening by assaulting him right when he comes in? Is it likely that it will be forgotten about after ten minutes of chatting?

WHAT WILL THE OUTCOME BE?

Thinking of potential outcomes of our actions is not easy, much less when you are in a state of anger. Anger is by nature "single minded." Extreme anger almost always has negative outcomes when it is taken out on another person. See if you can train yourself to step into the future in the heat of the moment.

e.g. Could getting all aroused with anger end up ruining the evening. What if you do verbally assault him for being late. What could happen? Could it put a damper on the evening? How would you respond if you had a legitimate reason for being late and were nonetheless attacked? Would you want to turn around and drive home?

WHERE IS THE OTHER PERSON COMING FROM?

Anger creates cognitive myopia. Symptomatic of anger is a narrowing of focus on what we perceive as injustice. So it's harder to empathize with others when we are angry. Force yourself to empathize EARLY ON, before anger is out of control. Imagine yourself in the other person's shoes. "What would I be thinking if she was coming across like I am right now?" Even just momentarily considering the validity of the other person's feelings can be enough to ebb anger to the extent that it is manageable.

Anger is one of the most difficult emotions to control, because it has a sudden onset and escalates quickly. As Dr. Fiendler recommends, the key to effectively controlling anger is to slow things down. Once you have learned to recognize early arousal signs and how to step back and evaluate the situation thoroughly, anger will lose a great deal of its power

Reducing Anger
By: Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D.

What would you think of firefighters who come out again and again to extinguish fire in the same building and never bother to look at the source of that fire? Suppose they never ask themselves what is going on in that place that fuels those flames from time to time. They would be a pretty strange bunch of firefighters, wouldn't they? Let's apply the same reasoning to another kind of fire, anger. Anger management has become the fad of the nineties. However, we have confined ourselves to merely scratching the surface. We set our sights too low by only looking for ways to manage the problem rather than strike at the root of the problem. If we produce less anger, we have less of it to manage. So let's look at how we produce anger.

We produce anger through unrealistic demands and expectations we have from ourselves, our relationships, and from the world we live in. When these demands and expectations are not fulfilled, we get frustrated and angry. It is helpful to recognize these demands and expectations with a calm state of mind because anger, like any other emotion, occurs swiftly and automatically. In anger we don't objectively know what really aroused our anger. Einstein once said that we "cannot solve a problem with the same thinking that created it." Let's look at the three categories of unrealistic demands and expectations in detail.

Unrealistic demands and expectations from others: Example: "You must appreciate and accept everything I do." When I am objective, I know that nobody can do that all the time for me. Realistically, people are going to appreciate and accept some of the things I do. Similarly, they will disagree or be unimpressed with some actions of mine. I need to remember that "they" have their own mindset, values, and preferences. If I don't change my expectations of others, I will continue taking "them" for granted. As long as they accept and appreciate my actions, it's all right, but if they criticize me once, I react to them as if they are my number one enemy. Similarly, it is unrealistic on my part to demand that others must, all the time, support me, respond to me positively, and treat me fairly.

Unrealistic demands or expectations from the world: Example: "All circumstances must be exactly the way I want them and if they are not, this world is a terrible place." Every time when something happens that we don't like or when events occur that don't suit us, we "can't stand" the world as it is. If I think about it with a rational mind, I can see that the universe doesn't exist for my convenience. The universe operates by its own laws and forces and they may very well interfere with what I want to happen. Bad things happen to good people all the time. This thing we call "luck," doesn't always reward the right people. Sure, the undeserving get rich and successful all the time, but is it worth wasting my time and energy in focusing on it and stewing over it?

Unrealistic demands and expectations from self: Examples: "I must never fail." "I must always act in a way that everyone accepts me and admires me." "If someone is unhappy with my work or the way I am, that means only one thing, that is, that I have failed miserably". We get angry a lot of times because we make unrealistic demands on ourselves. Perfectionism is the sure pursuit of unhappiness. Our anger with ourselves spills over everything. When we are unhappy and frustrated with ourselves, we get mad with the whole world and with everybody who inhabits it. A person with a guilty conscience protests too much. In order to defend ourselves, we go on the offensive, and blame others before they get a chance to blame us.

Recommendations: First make a clear and conscious decision that you are going to take action to control your anger. Not, "I will "try" to control my anger," but, that "I will take action to control my anger." Start making notes on what makes you angry. Try to identify the demand or the expectation that is responsible for your anger when you begin to experience anger. Classify your reasons for becoming angry in the above stated three categories of unrealistic demands or expectations. If you experience intense anger that means those are not "expectations," they are demands. Demands are more forceful and absolute. "You must give me what I want. "I must win your absolute approval." Replace the demands with expectations as no one wants to be ordered around. A poster of rebellion in an office read, "Requests may be granted, but orders must be disobeyed."

Once you have lowered your demands to the level of expectation, that is, that you simply expect but not demand, your anger will go down by several degrees. The next step then will be to set a life-long goal, namely, the goal of "zero expectations." It's not a goal that you expect to achieve one hundred percent, or expect to achieve any time soon, but it's goal that you may work towards and keep inching closer to the "zero-expectation-zone."

We Make Ourselves Angry
Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D.

If you have an anger problem and have a tough time trying to handle it, this thought can give the breakthrough you are looking for--"I make myself angry." Nobody makes you angry, you make yourself angry. A thought such as this is drastically different from the normal mode of thinking. In fact, it is a revolutionary thought. Normally, when someone says or does something we don't like and we hate his or her guts for saying or doing that, we want to scream in the face of that person and say, "You make me angry." Let's question that assumption rather than taking it for granted: Is it really true that he or she makes me angry or am I making myself angry?

Let's examine what really made me angry in the above example. Someone said or did something that was unacceptable to me. Perhaps, it seemed unfair to me. It creates a new problem for me, or makes it difficult for me to get what I want. Naturally, I don't like it. It frustrates me. It upsets all my plans. This may be directly opposite of what I expected from this person. It denies me what I really wanted. But all the things I mentioned are "I", "me" and "mine." I made myself angry because those are my perceptions, my desires, and my expectations, etc. Those may not at all be the perceptions, desires, or expectations of the person who I mistakenly think makes me angry. Isn't that often the case between two people in conflict, "they don't see eye to eye with each other?" Each one is angry because the other one is not meeting his or her expectations, demands, wishes, and the like. The fact is that each one is making oneself angry, blaming the other for one's own anger, and both become furious and utterly frustrated with each other because neither of them wants to change his or her ways.

Keeping this context in mind, we can now outline the three stages of emotional maturity in regards to anger control. The first stage, at which most of us operate is, "You make me angry. I wish you would quit doing that." In this position, one does not take any responsibility for one's own anger and blames "you" rather than "your" specific behavior. The second stage of emotional maturity is, "I feel angry when you do (such and such)." In this position, the angered person takes part responsibility for one's feeling and does not blame "you" the person but a specific behavior of yours. The third stage of emotional maturity which only a very small fraction of people ever attain is, "I make myself angry when I ...."

When Johnny attains the emotional maturity to say, "I make myself angry when I do not get what I want, or when my rules are broken by others, or when my demands are not met," Johnny is absolving the other person of any responsibility for "making me angry." Johnny is taking full responsibility for his emotions and saying, "the buck stops here."

I agree that this approach is not for the weakhearted. It takes immense courage to say that I make myself angry, but, once you take that position, you have won the most difficult battle of all. The road is clear for you and you know which way to go. This is when you stop waiting for others to quit making you angry. The game of blaming---I blame you and you blame me--comes to a halt. You are no more participating in a shouting match of arguing and asserting who is right and who is wrong. You start modifying your behavior, your desires, your expectations, and whatever else that gets your goat.

The reason that we try so hard to prove that the person in front is at fault, is probably not so much to blame the other person but rather has to do with protecting our own self-esteem. If we don't defend ourselves vigorously and blame the other person with equal vigor, we may have to admit to ourselves that we were at fault. The most ruthless judge sits inside our own heart and is ready to whip us, shame us, and rub our nose to the ground at the slightest suggestion that we are responsible for the mess we find in our lives.

Once, for three long years, I had a difficult relationship with someone I worked with. Both of us blamed each other. I was convinced I was absolutely in the right and she thought exactly the same for her position. Then I heard someone talking about assuming one hundred percent of the responsibility for whatever goes wrong in your relationship. The next morning, I went to my colleague and I told her that it was not her fault at all for the misunderstanding and tension that existed between us and that I take one hundred percent of the responsibility for every thing. I ended stressing that she was not responsible for creating this situation, but was coping with the situation the best she could. Her reaction was shock. She said she didn't know how to take it and thanked me. As I started leaving, she said, "You know, I too had been absolutely pig headed about the whole thing myself for all these years. I am glad we had this talk."

Thinking About Anger
Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D.

The recently released film, "Anger Management," portrays the stereotype of anger management. We tend to think that anger management is all about keeping your cool. If you can keep your cool when somebody is in your face, steps on your toes and screams in your ear, you are an anger manager.

It is a highly superficial view of anger management. Comprehensive anger management is management of specific thoughts, perceptions and feelings that make one angry.

Anger in certain situations, in moderation, is normal. But, anger is a problem when it is too intense, expressed inappropriately and harms self or others.

Right thoughts can have a moderating influence on both the feeling and expression, wrong thoughts can aggravate them.

Thinking about what makes you angry puts you in a special class of people. Only conscious people think about their anger. Others simply feel it and act as they feel.

Some think they must be aggressive in order to get what they want. Others think if they didn't get angry and release pent-up tension they will go "crazy." Some believe they can control others by a powerful demonstration of their anger.

Some carry a lot of "oughts" and "shoulds" in their head. They feel strongly that everybody ought to or should observe them. Examples: "It should be peace and quiet when I am trying to concentrate;" "You ought to give me a chance;" "If I want to speak I should be heard right away" and "Since you didn't do what I said, I should teach you a lesson."

Preconceived ideas and biased perceptions feed each other and, together, they light the fire of anger. For example, if you think others are "stupid," you will find stupidity all around you. You would constantly note all day long every day that "dummies" can't understand the simplest of things.

People might occasionally exhibit tiny sparks of genius, but you would miss them. You would attract stupidity like a magnet attracts iron particles.

Finding plenty of confirmation of your belief, you would be convinced that people really are stupid. You would feel justified in feeling totally frustrated and fed up with having to suffer so much stupidity around you. In a sense, you strap yourself with emotional explosives. The next time you judge someone to be doing something stupid, you might explode.

Some have a hang up of different type. These are convinced that people are unfair and always treat them unfairly. When people respond in a way that is not to their liking, they see that as another evidence of unfairness. They don't even think about other possible causes.

Sometimes, we hear the admonition, "Don't take it personally," but we do. Here is one of the reasons for personalization: Inaccurate, one-dimensional and universal explanation for others' disagreeable response towards us, as mentioned earlier, "People are stupid" and "People are unfair."

If you want to understand your anger, identify and get to understand whatever it is that gets under your skin. People who exhibit frequent and intense anger tend to have just a few distorted explanations to explain all the events and responses of others they don't like.

Anger management also involves management of certain feelings that are related to how we feel about ourselves. What are those feelings? Feelings that make us feel valued, appreciated or good are called, "ego-syntonic" and those that make us feel small, ashamed or bad are called "ego-dystonic." Ego-dystonic feelings cause anger.

We are not always conscious of the ego-dystonic feelings. Often, it's simply too painful or frightening to admit to ourselves that deep down we are so vulnerable.

So, what are these dystonic feelings that we don't want to face in ourselves? One of the most frightening feelings is that we might not be loveable, likeable or good enough.

Also, it's too painful to think that we might really be insignificant in the eyes of those we want and need. So, why not go on the offensive and attack them. It's illogical but true.

Some feel too powerless to shape their own life or to influence others, so they simply stay angry.

Even more difficult might be to admit to ourselves that we are extremely bothered by feeling being judged and negatively evaluated by others. Sometimes, an anger outburst is to demonstrate that we care least about what they think of us.

But, deep down we do care what they think of us and that might make us even madder!

We have at least a score of mechanisms by which we defend ourselves against unacceptable feelings, called, "defense mechanisms." One of the defense mechanisms is to turn into an opposite that which is unacceptable to us. Thus, we defend against lack of self-esteem by arrogance, lack of accomplishment by domination, and against fear by anger.

The Power of Choice
By Mary Allen

We are ALWAYS at CHOICE. Sounds simple. For many things, this is an easy and empowering concept to embrace. Someone asks you out to dinner. Do you really want to go? You decide "yes" or "no". You're at choice. Someone asks you to do something you DON'T want to do. Again, you're at choice..."yes" or "no".

Yet, how many times have you said, or heard someone else repeatedly say, "I don't have a choice"? Deadlines. Big projects. Children. Commitments. Agreements. Board Meetings. Relationships. Look at anyone who is stressed, overwhelmed or filled with anxiety....and I'll show you a person who doesn't feel in control of their life. Our lives are filled with "have to's", "need to's" and "shoulds", which can bring great stress. When the stakes get larger, the idea of "choice" can go right out the window. In the eye of life's biggest challenges, I'd like to suggest that "YOU ARE ALWAYS AT CHOICE".

Let's take a commitment you've made at work. Perhaps a huge undertaking that is going to require extra hours, serious focus with a tight deadline. You originally committed enthusiastically to the project, and now it's impeding your life. The stress levels rise, and you find yourself overwhelmed because your health is being compromised, your family is demanding attention, and your "inner peace" has become a distant concept. You are saying to yourself, "I don't have a choice". " If I want to complete this project, and NOT lose my job - I HAVE TO WORK". Perhaps you know someone who has experienced this scenario, maybe even you.

In the face of "I don't have a choice"

…..you have choices.

4 CHOICES...

CHOICE #1 - STAY in the perspective of "I don't have a choice" WHILE RESISTING or RESENTING the original commitment. This is a CHOICE, whether you acknowledge it or not. When you choose "I don't have a choice" you are playing "victim" to your original commitment (or choice) and/or the circumstances that surround you. I call this running on "auto-pilot". "I made the commitment, I HAVE to follow through". No, you don't HAVE TO. Do you run on "auto-pilot" out of a sense of "integrity" or "have to"? In doing so, you're giving your power away to someone or something other than yourself. You'll likely feel stress, overwhelm, out of control and intense time pressures. The "choice" to stay in "I don't have a choice" is an energy drain and dis-empowering, and ultimately creates a negative impact on your performance and your health. Where are you RESISTING a CHOICE? This is a cop out choice.

CHOICE #2 - Make a new agreement. I'm big on keeping my word, however I believe it's even MORE important to "be at choice". And, often times creating a new agreement is best for YOU, and for all parties. This is often a simple and easy solution that brings power back to you.

• Can the deadline be extended or dropped?
• Can an appointment be rescheduled?
• What are the consequences of completing this late? Can you live with that?
• How else might I achieve my outcome?

CHOICE #3 - Explore alternative resources. When we're locked into "I don't have a choice", we're less likely to explore alternative resources or to accept help from others. Set aside your ego and the need to be "significant". Give up the notion of something "having" to be hard. Be WILLING for it to be easier. It doesn't always have to be a struggle. "Be at choice" and open yourself up to the alternatives. Ask a powerful question. One of my friends is always asking, "How can this be done more easily and efficiently?" Funny thing is, there is usually an easier way if we're open to it, and she is ALWAYS finding a way.

• Are their additional people or resources available to you to make this job easier and lighten the load?
• How can I empower those around me to step up and be more, do more than they would normally do?
• What haven't I thought of yet?
• How can I duplicate myself?
• What other options ARE available?

CHOICE #4 - ALIGN with your original CHOICE and DECIDE to ENJOY it or at the very least ACCEPT it. FIND SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOUR CHOICE - the challenge of it, working with a team, using your creativity, the feeling of accomplishment when the task is complete, knowing you're a person of your word, learning and growth opportunities, or simply CHOOSING to follow through and give your best. I'm not suggesting you PRETEND, or that this is always EASY. I am suggesting that even in the most challenging of situations there is ALWAYS a way to RE-FRAME things within yourself and re-align with CHOICE if you're open to that possibility. Focus on what excited you about the project in the first place. Focus on what following through with your choice will give you.

SOULFUL CHALLENGE: The next time you feel, "I don't have a choice"….STOP yourself. Do you really want to remain in RESISTANCE to your choice? Do you need to make a new agreement? What alternative resources are available? How can you align, ENJOY or accept your original choice with fresh eyes? Challenge yourself to live from a place of CHOICE. It's empowering.